Fish and Bread? What about the "Livng Water"?

Matthew 4:4 - Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.'"

I have been conntemplating the awesome, tranformational, healing power of Scripture. I find it short of humourous that my greatest struggle with relying on the Bible is the scholars who interpret it's timeless wisdom.
Some people are so caught up in their convictions of everyday life that they find little to no importance in re-reading Scripture, hearing differing views from laymen, studying with the Saints, and/or being bold to speak Scripture as it was written; as is the example within Scripture.
Yes, I am saying there is a lacking of seriousness to understanding scripture through guidance of the Holy Spirit. What really confounds my sense of curiosity is delving into the countless commentaries and secular writtings as the main source of Biblical inference.

Am I implying I'm better than anyone else?
Not of my own authority. I'm resolved that my actions speak for me and my emphasis is pointing out what Scripture says as it's relevance piques my interest/real world applicability.
Naturally, because of my propensity towards pacifisim and unity, I want my views/actions challenged in every way possible. Only because I do not feel I have perfect or complete understanding of anything. I desire maturity, especially in Spiritual matters.
It is my view that what we do in this life transfers into eternity. If such isn't true, then I need an explanation of why keeping God's commandments and Jesus' actions carries dire implications into eternity.

I'll be honest, I'm absolutely terrified of the power of God. Something that my 'psychonaught' journies proved to have an attribute that I can intellectual grasp. Never will I be able to explain what I witnessed outside of saying God's authority (or power if you must) is limitless (meaning he really can do anything, even mess with your head) and absolute (meaning there is no greater authority and God isn't subject to anything he doesn't want to.

The fact that the conditions of keeping righteousness in God's eyes is dependant on good things is God's greatest glory and something he is so gracious to even have a 'taste' of.
Far be it of me to worry about having a taste of God's glory instead of following his commands and believe in the message of the Son of Man to save me from God's wrath, here in this physical life and ultimately the life after.

My Soul Janasu

I have been delving really deep into my mind over the past month. I have been making it a point to spend my mental energy in ascertaining what I really am. To the extent of deducing if there is more going on in my head than I have control over.

For what it's worth.... I can't even tell if I'm sane anymore.
I have a hard time making myself understood to the laymen, people in general express confusion about my thoughts. There is a big gap in my understanding and there's no one who is willing to challenge my views to help fill it in except for those willing to focus on trite concepts.

Yet... I somehow stumbled upon someone who helped me change that.
Just in time, as I was beginning to go mad from the inside out because of some emotional issues.
So what? Most people like to think that they are the ones who are going through something special, especially when it comes to their mental frustrations.
Well with me that all changed within a week. My mental frustrations were fighting back. Something I had never experienced before.

I learned that whatever was fighting back really does have it's own unique pattern of thought, something not weft with my own. This pattern of thought is also feminine in nature. Though blunt and terribly dominant, the demeanor is not pushy and not evil. For what it is worth... I have no problem with the genderization that seems present. I find it rather ironic considering my orientation.
Yet... My orientation and my soul have nothing to do with each other in any respect. My soul is not even a true match of personality to me, the spirit of my existence.

Now I've articulated that it's a girl, like a separate entity.
Her name is Janasu.

I gave that name to a sword of mine which I obtained from a very old friend of great significance to me emotionally and historically. I named the sword only after I felt it helped me open an understanding to my brain I didn't once know about. The process of Kinesthetic thinking is what I'm talking about.
I literally had my enlightenment period when I was suffering some very tough emotional heart ache no less... So the naming of the sword became very symbolic; in line with something I've always felt an affinity to... Just like the letter J and subconscious references like blue skies being synonymous with purity, joy and freedom.

I don't know how to put it into words that makes sense from a kinesthetic mind. Literally, the thing that meant the most to me is how emotional I can get just because of what Janasu has to say and also how she can calm me down from being highly emotional.
I have only experienced this kind of calm from a non-tangible source such as God. Like through prayer. What I find really interesting is that Janasu refuses to let me think she isn't real but also refuses to let me think she is more important than my relationship with God. I got to hand it to her.... She at least knows me well enough not to try to go against my core principles. Though of course I figured that it is because she has this problem with us fighting... Like she would rather things to go over smoothly for me so that it also makes a difference for her. And yet, even still she makes it a big deal that she does genuinely have good intentions for me and it not be just because we're linked. I suppose I should look at it the same way I do my body. I do things not good for it... It tries to let me know what it needs and what it doesn't like but I still do what I want to do.

I have to give this more time before I can say what I think it is. But I'm rather sure at this point that Janasu is as I've slowly been articulating without forcing the ideas. It seems there's a clear difference in the way I feel between when Janasu is truly speaking versus I am just imagining her but it's not truly my Soul talking to me actively. Sometimes... She'll even point it out so I realize it.

Kony 2012

There's a lot going on regarding the campaign regarding what the critics say to what officials are requesting that the proponents not do when posting their flyers.
There are lots of opinions and even more people trying to be heard regardless of what their priority is.
The voices of a few has turned into the voice of many and the world had taken notice of people it had openly rejected for years and has relentlessly oppressed in many terms including their ethnicity and financial ability.

This is why I am not offended but rather am worried.

I have been putting in more study towards all of the rhetoric as well as the arguments going on. I usually am against the hype and not wanting to participate in anything that isn't true to a cause.
What I have comer to the conclusion of is that Kony is a horrible man and that the things he's done are atrocious indeed. I don't mind that I shouldn't be trying to hate the man or to just side with the people against him because of their story.
Watching the video that went viral was compelling of it's own but getting deeper into the facts is what has driven me to consider that I need to continue this effort.

Usually I don't like to consider that the things going on around me that are negative are going to stop just because I don't like them butI am convinced that not doing anything is like the same as being neutral to bullying.
What it reminds me of is how people usually don't want to get their hands dirty or how people from a sophisticated society such as America can't drop their damn pursuit of entertainment so they can get a dose of reality.
What really pained me from watching the video was those kids....
I did cry. I looked at Jacob as one of those kids in Kenya who were so nice to me.. Hospitable despite their poverty and so happy just to be loved by anyone.

What is wrong with feeling empathy to that whole situation? Why is it more important to be numbed by a sense of what is pragmatic when children are literally being tortured?
I do care!

I don't know what to do about Kony hiding, about the kids who will defend him or the girls who are made into sex slaves. I don't know what too think of the duration this has been going on or the mannerisms in which certain religions are being misrepresented and people in the LRA are following blindly! I don't know what to tell our congressmen, what to put onto the official posters or what to tell people they should care about..

But...
What I do know is.. I want you to get mad. I want you to stand in rage and proclaim:
They are human beings Damnit! THEIR LIVES HAVE VALUE!!

But the emotions can't end with getting Kony. If that's the case then what about the next guy who is on the list? Yet this can't just be a tirade about fulfilling the lust for self branded justice. That is the reason why some people are against this whole campaign.. I don't blame them since these things tend to get blown out of proportions and then become a political game instead of a stretched hand of selfless aid.
But the solutions aren't impossible.
Right now there are soldiers in the area for the purpose of training and giving their expert advise. They are there to set a precedent in how things are to be handled for future instances.. To give confidence to the individuals in their own abilities and to help establish what it looks like to behave honorably by not succumbing to the immoral behavior similar to the people they are fighting.
All these things are not easy.. All these things have a tendency for being so demanding. And of all.. Everyone in the world is watching, so the tension for perfection is unusually high..
Criticism is legitimate as long as it is honest, with an alternative that doesn't help destroy lives and is for the purpose of looking at humans as the precious item.

My conclusion is simply this.
Stand if you will, for the strength of our race. Give lightly but earnestly. Forgive those who care only as others do as there are times it doesn't change or distort the meaning of morality.

Nostaligic Transcendence

Lurking in the corner of your subconscious are memories of the past. Attached to the five senses.

And why is this even important..?

It is my firm belief that one of the more prominent things to the memory are things associated with positive or negative connotation that is as unique to the individual as the personality. Just like when you are trying to remember something and you can't grasp it until something seemingly unrelated causes a reaction.. I believe there is just as much reason to think that the personality of a person acts the same way.

I tend to not like to revel in too many memories since some of them do not bring me good feelings as I mature. What I have noticed is that it doesn't have to be negative things it could be just about anything related to something that I am not anymore. Even if it were something I cherish... The memory sometimes is overwhelming and that's all the reason there is though at other times it is far more significant as it really could have been something traumatic or a very positive experience. 

Nostalgia is a very interesting thing to me... As it sometimes can cause me to literally have a moment my brain ceases to function. Though I do not know to what degree it is not functioning, I feel as though what's literally happening is a mini seizure. The physical feeling I have is as if I am in shock, as it's not something I feel in my body but rather something in my head as if I am restarting. It's actually quite frightening when it happens.. I get scared of it because it comes without warning and because I can't do anything about it when it does happen.. Sometimes it feels like it takes a while for me to re-adjust and other times it feels like it's only slight, like it's not my entire brain. 

The most peculiar thing about it is that I don't feel it in my body as though something went wrong there.. Which is what leads me to believe that it is just that overwhelming on my brain. Though I suppose it could be as simple as my brain accessing pathways that it hasn't in so long that my subconscious literally is coming forth, pushing my conscious self back for those moments. It also makes me wonder what I look like when it happens... 

Nostalgia isn't always uniform..

Most people tend to look at the differences between their former self and their current self and even will go to the length of comparing these to their self-image of the future self.
For whatever reason that the human mind is so rational, it is also capable of being very social. If it is the evolutionary path for mammals to be established this way then it is quite possibly the strangest fundamental secret to life; why else is it necessary to become this way unless it is to teeter on homeostasis to best test our level of rationality?

Though science can determine their theory of the path that evolution has taken it can not determine why it exists in the first place, much like the Universe or the physics which govern it's processes. 

There is no philosophy or scientific claim that explains why there is any consistency let alone viability to what is seen. Humans are the only species capable of displaying their absolute knowledge of events by the concept of recording history. No animal on the planet Earth displays a transmission of higher-knowledge that is irrelevant to basic survival necessity just as humans are the only ones who determine their course of action before the actions are necessary. 

It could be said in many ways and for many reasons that the human being is not just explained through evolutionary process like the rest of the surrounding world can be. In fact it remains to be answered if evolution, in all it's extrapolated might, is not even the process in which the diversity of life originated. Leaving the only other answer to mystery, which is what religious appeal does to the human psyche. 

Though history has always included humans asking the major questions surrounding their existence, some like to brush it off as a natural part of life. Yet... How natural is this synthetic world that the humans have laid over their naturally occurring environment?

Memories define a personality?

Most of the time I am faced with this underlining thought that only a God could make this Universe like this.. Totally hiding his presence in the active tense, leaving so many clues about his involvement in the past tense yet making it impossible for anyone within this universe to truly understand in the future tense. Just as much as I say that only a God would go through all this trouble just to make a point.
That... In itself is truly remarkable in my eyes. A truth of transcendence that lays down the foundation of how foolish humans truly are to think they can create a God without truly understanding the capability of a God. When did humans become their own creator? Or the divisive will of a plane of existence? Furthermore... At what point can or will humans even be able to make a self-aware, being of volition in it's own self-contained existence of automation that is independent and without invariable connection to their own plane of existence?

In my opinion... This is the troubling truth I have realized about this Universe and why I believe in God. 

My memories from childhood have helped me to suffer this long-lasting truth of limited power and limited understanding. I am without excuse if I say I don't believe there is something greater to this world, as it would be a lie. I can feel that there is something going on and the question is so great to me that I understand no person can truly answer it. I have tried to gain that answer and have only been disappointed time and time again over my life. The only answer that has ever satisfied me is the saying that God can not be explained, he is transcendent of us in so many ways that the concept of infinite directly applies.
I do not speak in favor of my notion of God but even in any concept of the divine. As I feel that despite my disagreement to what force is the personality of the divine, it is irrelevant to the point that this Universe is not self-existing or a product of some phenomenon that is eternal and infinite of itself. 

My enlightenment continues..

Falsefiability? Who does that?

Often one of the pivotal arguments against the logical existence of God is that he can't be tested and thus is Non-Falsifiable.
I think this notion is ridiculous considering all the Scientific information we've, as a race, have developed relied on imaginary concepts that are non-falsifiable. Regardless of how you come to believe the term, it is just a fancy way of calling it an over-belief. In essence it's just a truth that has yet to be proven. You may even see it's effect or lack a better way of explaining what your intuition says is the answer.. But to fall back on this understanding doesn't make you crazy just like it doesn't mean you only understand things from a misguided perspective.
What then can we call the discoveries in science that changed everything that the majority disagreed with? Didn't those people demand that their definition of ultimate understanding be looked as inherent? The world being flat was not to be challenged! In fact it was even considered a blasphemy to some! Yet there was reason to believe this just as there was reason to believe otherwise!
It was perspective that eluded a flat world as being flat just as a change of perspective would have proven that the world is round, not the center of the universe, one of countless planets and even not the only one of it's kind! Now once again we are faced with a challenging mystery and people are quick to go with a majority vote to discern fact from fiction and thus declare anything that opposes as errata, blasphemy, ignorant!
What a shame it is when the imagination is shrugged of in favor of a supposedly more sophisticated imagination, laying the claim that there is no work of imagination in action.
Scientific-research is only possible by faithful assumption. That is the nature of theory. Because of results do we have any form of answers, usually not pertaining to the questions which formed the theory. Electricity was harnessed based on assumptions derived from the imagination, despite our extreme control over it's force we still barely understand it... We don't even know if it has a direction of flow let alone why it would have a specific direction.. Yet our imagination of the basics beg us to believe we've mastered electricity and truly have gone from falsified information to complete understanding. Yet neither is true.
Yet a being so complex and so beyond our understanding, by nature, is supposed to be falsifiable with our limited means of even testing what is right in front of us? Isn't that, by it's very nature, a lack of imagination..? Isn't that a defeating attitude of a self-serving, pretentious and misguided mind?
If we can imagine things in a different dimension having no comprehensible value because we understand values based on comprehending this Universe or the effects of it... Then how did we lose our ability to think outside the box by boxing in our imagination?
So then, the process of science truly is nothing more than a reciting of factual principles? I sure would hope not because of the virtue of what science supposedly is. And by factual I sure do hope that simply insinuates that there is only one answer.
Hypothetical situations can't create two truths, neither one is. Imagination doesn't create multiple truths, it then becomes separate worlds conjured up from separate bases with their own linear processes of truth. So what else is there essentially?
Isn't that the problem in the minds of those who worship logic? They lack any definite answer about anything that isn't agreed upon? They are forced to use their imaginations and thus create blasphemy to their strict etiquette of logic! Heretics against facts they become! They make excellent scholars but lack the ability to add to that arsenal as a researcher does! Giving credit to themselves for their superiority despite their lack of intuition and use of it like a researcher or detective rely on to conclude on the facts gathered!
God is not one of those mental constructions that is based entirely on some mad mans delusions that has no resemblance to reality and everything to do with the wildest things that contradict truth, reason and reality.
Let's just remember that everyone says that when they are so sure of what that truth is.. Then a new perspective shows possibilities they once couldn't fathom on their own let alone understand the effect on things they do perceive. Now who's become the heretic of logic? The disbeliever of possibilities is who.. The one who only sees with his supposed perception of physical stimulus, the organs not nearly as complex as the brain; the thing responsible for interpreting everything those lesser organs try to signal a truth of... Don't forget, you can't trust everything you see, illusions rely on your ability not to think outside the box.

Life is Worthwhile When Your Goals are Worthwhile

"Why are they so happy if they have nothing?"

I always did cringe at the sound of such a question. Especially in relevance to my own misfortune. I suppose what has always stood out to me as a manner of offensive word phrasing is more of a manner of the lack of insight. 

I have never been in a position where I actually believed that such an attitude is impossible. Though I may be surprised just how wide-spread it could be or how much a demographic is incorrectly portrayed as such, I am always filled with joy to know that it is true.

Most of my life has been filled with a myriad of experiences ranging from hostile to harmonious. I have seen good days on a very broad spectrum of events as well as days that encompass every possible error that I can imagine. Though naturally, some days are just more frustrating than others due to my own personal emotions rather than circumstance. 

I have long wondered what formula is used psychologically to produce results of an unconcerned manner towards negativity without being numb to your emotions as well as indifferent to the circumstances of others. 

Fortunately I have been given the platform to begin my journey through this seemingly non-complicated method of thought. A mental state of realistic construction but with the backing of unparalleled stability. 

My enlightenment..

1. I am human
2. Emotion is Sacred
3. Failure is an Option
4. Goals have Moral Consequence
5. I am Forgiven

Some people may look at these things as a common sense factor that everyone should know. Thus equating my enlightenment to the action of opening my eyes to the world that's always been around me. I do not disagree with this premise.. Given that the understanding isn't that people who can't see are mentally retarded. I do believe that it serves to be a handicap in many ways if you allow it; I just loathe the idea that you must gain sight to gain an advantage over the handicap itself.

Lot of emphasis added into that last paragraph.. I feel very strongly to it's implications. 

But let's be honest with ourselves.. How often do we take into account the myriad of factors that determine our success and failures? Moreover, how much do we pick ourselves up from falling down with a smile and declare that the mistake may happen again but not our haphazardness that caused it? 

This isn't a riddle. 

Most people forget their lack of perfection, thus equating them to something more than human. From step one they are incapable of coming off their haughty position of supreme-WHATEVER to accept their faults let alone common-place mistakes. Some go to the length of suicide over matters that could have been solved with some back-bone, realistic thinking or at least seeking a helping hand.

But there's more?

Yes, it seems like I could go on with the other parts of the list but why should I? The realism is right before us all. In fact, we all have to suffer reality one way or another. If it isn't our mortality it's our imperfections or misfortune. Either way you put it, not even the most socially advantageous have absolutely every need imaginable taken care of. Some are simply better off than others in their circumstances; from a subjective perspective. 

So what in God's name is the point of life anyways?
Most religious people would declare that it has nothing to do with us and everything to do with the deity that created the Universe (to say you believe in such at all). Or if not, the accumulation of thoughts is to strive for perfection. Some even keep it so simple as to declare that the maximum potential is Happiness. 

Though I prefer to say it's between all those things..

Though truly, what transcendent being would make a Universe this complexly organised yet consistent of it's own parameters without having transcendence being part of it? Surely an All-powerful being wouldn't stoop to the emotion of jealousy of it's own creation and thus limit even the beings that are capable of the similar awesomeness of Awareness/Understanding.. That just suggests that either Humans are so far close to the top that we are only a few limiters off from being called gods or that in all actuality we aren't dealing with any kind of true divinity of power. 

Well don't get your hopes up... I don't believe in those kinds of ludicrous deductions. Realistically, I see that humans are not ALL THAT and SOME.. And quite frankly, whatever source of power instilled existence in this plane we know as reality... Has obviously got to have some seriousness behind it that I won't dare trifle against. 

With that said perhaps it will make perfectly good sense why it is that I see certain goals as inherently detrimental while others, despite their lack of appeal to success, are inherently good. 

I think if your goals are not self-gratifying or a sense of appeal to worldly matters.. You have begun to understand the nature of the human mind. Though a complicated organ I barely can fathom the depth of, I can still give my insight to understanding that through trial and error I have found that the things I was taught to accept as success were actually things that were red-flagged by my intuition. Meaning: despite my ability to discern the reasons, I knew emotionally and subconsciously the failing point of believing the principles that weren't truly a part of my human purpose. 

Just like rooting for the underdog is unpopular at first.. It's funny how when you are the first one to do it, you soon become disgusted with everyone else for giving it appeal and taking away the status. If you don't, then you were never rooting for the underdog.. You had full knowledge of the hidden potential and were disgusted with everyone's misplaced judgement. 

A goal is not the successful object that people chased. Such as being Rich isn't much of a goal as it is a result of goals; realistically that is. Rather, if your goal is to be financially secure by doing something specific and thus you obtain that status through the multiple goals you set that will grant you such.... Then you have become successful in your goals.
Equally, if your goal is to become something specific in status and you thus set multiple goals to get there...

Well enough said on that. If the point isn't clear on what a goal is, then there's a new issue of ignorance to be discussed. What is of importance now is what makes a 'Worthwhile' goal? Such a question has a subjective answer. To one person what is worth is not the same to the next person. However.. Since we aren't in the business of prescribing goals to each other (if you are then you must be in the business of slave ownership) naturally we should take the approach of understanding what is good for the individual self. And thus you can accumulate my second point of enlightenment on the importance of emotion; as that is an individual concept that is very hard to integrate into the understanding of others but is certainly worthwhile. 

To get to the answer of a worthwhile goal.. Perhaps there is a requirement to somehow get to my third point of enlightenment sometime in your life. Regardless of what step or manner you do.