I was never big on the idea of meditation in any sense of the word. And yet there is the word of God, speaking about meditating on his word. The irony to me is that I wasn't against the idea of meditation ever, yet now I see there was a huge stumbling block in front of me because of the terrifying gift of intuition I have.
Let's just say I've been in denial of what I've always felt since I was barely six years old; because it was a terrifying feeling that I thought was based on a nightmare I've had occur since that age.
To think... I was able to induce that feeling upon myself without fearing it for the first time in my life, I felt so accomplished in something so trivial that I had to question the nature of why I've tried to sedate my mind whenever my empathic senses go wild.
I've always viewed myself as meek; regardless of physical stature, mental aptitude, or spiritual virtue. It has always been less of an esteem issue, because I didn't feel I was short handing myself of what I'm capable of. Yet that's exactly what it always was..
So recently I've been doing a whole lot more writing and a whole lot more diving into my areas of interest like Quantum theory and Visual Art design. I'm getting into things I never considered myself savvy at or interested in. I'm finding that my renewed sense of interest in things completely unrelated has something to do with how much exercise I'm giving my brain and my Spirit.
Moreover, I am absolutely surprised that I can enter a meditative state, as they call it scientifically it is the Alpha state, and retain an energy level that isn't about how fast/hard my heart beats. Then when I get active, it's like I unleash a torrent of energy that is uncanny, even though I'm known to have a plethora of physical energy hidden away somewhere in this modest sized body of mine.
Ok, so this brings me to the aspect in which most people I have met in my life are rather optimistic about being mediocre. I find nothing wrong with that. It's those people who insist that being realistic about our limitations is the gateway to understanding our potential.. They are somewhat similar to the people who insist the same thing in a pessimistic way.....
I would say they are low on ambition, but it is something else entirely. I think they are under attack from a source they wont admit is real. Like another dimension; which is fine, it's hard to stomach an idea that can't be proven. Any true skeptic or scholar would demand a definition or at least some principle they can test themselves personally. However, what I am finding very odd to adjust to is the steady amount of people who have encountered me frequently enough to know hat I am already outside the box of conventionalism, yet I don't give off the energy of insanity. I suppose the harshness of it is that I'm not some renowned genius like Einstein Tesla, or Newton.. Even though all of them thought outside of the box and weren't taken seriously until their ideas were proven scientifically.
It will forever be ironic to me that so many people try to tell me to reach for the stars, but when I do they can't look past the mound of their groundhog hole to see that they disregard everything I'm being enlightened to in my pursuit.
I am not trying to say that we must pretend we don't have limitations or that there are circumstances that keep us from achieving the dreams we have. What I'm saying is that I don't see any point in limiting ourselves by being realistic unless it is to keep us from doing something life-threatening. The same goes for if we will hurt other people... That is being as realistic as necessary, which even still.. Risks must be taken to achieve personal greatness. I just don't subscribe to the idea that a few eggs must be broken to get that omelette; because I don't sacrifice other people for my namesake.
However, when I'm flying high.. I'm going as high as I can. I don't care if it's just an emotional high. It's because of my mental state that I can bring about change to my state of being, which then translates to my way of life, which pours out unto my surroundings. Thus I make the environment a product of my positivity and strength instead of letting myself be a product of my environment.
It's taken me all these years to realize this. This is just the beginning.
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